when I can't find the words to articulate my thoughts...

 I borrow from others 


"we’re all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.“
GK Chesterton 

Maybe forever, figuring out how to peel grace and forgiveness out of my grasp and hand it over to those too arrogant or cold or broken to ask for it will be my most stubborn challenge.

The best I can do is consider all messes cyclical and intertwined. To find balance and peace in the fact that someone may never regret or take responsibility for their moral shabbiness toward me, I have to hold onto the fact that I will never fully amend for my own wrongs and woundings. I too have let my boat mates down.

And understanding even a fraction of the impact my sad selfish old decisions have had on others? Feeling remorse for those weak days and resolving to do better - to be better? That’s not a gift to them, it’s a gift to me."