a few things

today I looked at my calendar, and while I'm aware it's already July 11th, I couldn't but announce out loud (to no one in particular) "gah damn, it's already July 11th!" seriously, where has the time gone? I thought that once I went and lived abroad things would be different (I'm not sure what this different is supposed to mean right now), and they weren't really. I mean yes, I was living abroad among a culture that I hadn't a whole lot in common with which took some adjusting to, but in the big scheme of things it wasn't that different. Then I came home, and I thought things would be really different. However, once I moved home, I eased right back into a seemingly sedentary lifestyle. But then today I realized: things are different. Of course nothing profound has taken shape in my life, but there have been small, mini changes that are slowly and slightly bifurcating (I added this word to my vocab today) the person I was and the person I'm becoming. Of course, the person I'm becoming and want to be owes some of it's evolution to the person of my past. In the words of someone close to me "one of the great things about being an adult is that you can make a conscious decision to be better, to be that person you want to be, and to be that perception that you imagine others have of you."

anyways. back to a few other things.

gah damn it's already July 11th!

so work has been about the same since the last time I wrote about it. Some days it's a real test because the wife boss exhibits a cattiness that is very unprofessional and immature at times. Hands down I'd rather work for a man any day of the week. I've never once doubted that a woman is capable of of doing anything a man can. in fact, there are a few things that women are actually better at, but in the work place I'd rather work with a man (or under the instruction of) a million times over.

the intimacies of my life are quite as they were. almost. I have realized though that while my solitude and me-time were quite awesome and beneficial, adding a person to the equation is equally satisfying and beneficial. especially when this person isn't an interruption to my rhythm, but rather a calming addition in the move forward.

my 25th is coming up, and while nothing big is in the making, I am considering more ink, and my best girl may be visiting for the occasion so that we may celebrate our birthdays together.

I'm planning a trip to Greenville, NC and to the beach before I gear up for classes in the Fall.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, a lot of thinking, and even a bit of writing. I'm hoping the flow of creativity I've experienced lately will continue.

I bought this literary quarterly at Books A Million the other day, and for those of you who love travel, imagine yourself traveling in the future, or just love reading about travel and foreign places, you should purchase this collection. The Lapham's Quarterly, Summer 2009 Issue on Travel. It's a collection of stories dating back to the time of Columbus to writers that are still alive and chronicling their travels and experience with the exotic today.

Despite work being an on-and-off-again thorn in my side (read: ass) I have procured some amazing coffee through them. Although I could go straight to the source (well kind of) since we get our coffee from Counter Culture Coffee in Charlotte (i.e. the best damn fair trade coffee I've had in a long time). The coffee I speak of is a Peruvian coffee that has molasses and almond undertones (does coffee have undertones?). delish.

um, I think I'll stop for now. I'm reading Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" and I can't seem to get out of it. absolutely lovely-ness.

another excuse

it seems that while it's certainly not unusual, I've once again neglected this space reserved for my thoughts and ramblings. usually when I'm neglecting to post it is because of a lack of motivation, or the inability to articulate my thoughts the way I would like. Of course in the event of in-articulation I resort to the pages of my journal. it's pages are a mess of one-liners, quotes, thoughts that I'd like to capitalize on when I've more time. time is self-induced, wtf am I talking about? I've met someone who has had allowed me something that I've not been privy to in a while: a heightening of emotion (in a good way), and thus a burst in creative writing for me. a creative writing that allows me to utilize my Microsoft Office program versus the virtual world.

further decline in my country

Celebrities are falling like flies. Seriously wtf is in the water? To be honest though a select few could fall and I'd be ok with that as well. Of the three who passed last week there was no competition of who would take center stage in the news. Michael Jackson of course. Yes, the pop icon who made his way into the lives of many with his music and moon-walking-gloved-hand-swiveling-smooth-crotch-grabbing moves and then once again when he turned into a freak of nature with a kiddie park and on trial of child molestation charges. I, of course, grew up listening to Michael Jackson (it was my first cassette tape), later watched VH1 tear apart his videos with pop-up video, and of course knew of his trial and further isolation. What didn't happen though is that I never met him, never had a conversation with him, never confided in him my thoughts or trusted him with my secrets. Hell I never even attended a concert. While many did attend his concert, I highly doubt that sitting in row G in an amphitheater allowed them any intimacies with him. So, what I'm trying to ascertain is: how and why are people so fucking devastated that he died? I could actually seeing it more justifiable in Europe seeing as he was still maintaining somewhat of a touring schedule, but his own people and fans had come to disown him after his apparent decline in what is morally acceptable. Ok, so maybe he was acquitted, and he never actually touched a child in a manner that could be perceived as vulgar, but if the man so loved children he should have fucking been doing something for the children who don't have homes, those not privileged enough to play in his kiddie park, those roaming the streets as troubled youth.

The news seems to have all but forgotten about what is currently going on in Iran or the fact that the United States is trying peace talks with North Korea rather than merely cutting the country off from the oil and other aids they receive from us. Every news channel finds a way to add in coverage or current news on Jackson. The papers are covered from page to page with stories on Michael Jackson. It's funny though because most of the pictures don't show the Michael that actually died, but rather the Michael Jackson we all knew as teenagers. His music may live, but he was dead a long time ago, and I just don't get it. If nothing else how can you mourn for someone you don't even know and probably in most cases never even met?

plague

there has been an attack of the mayflies around here. it's so bad that I passed a house on the way to work that looked part Dalmation because the black spots were where clusters of these mayflies had gathered. absolutely horrible. it doesn't help that they are freaking HUGE (think dragon-fly size)! I'm going to google and try to find the reasoning behind the all-of-sudden-swarm.

would have posted more, but that's about the only thing that stands out at the moment.

missed my calling this time

well it seems I have allowed reason to overshadow my whims. I won't be going to South Korea for a month in July. Mainly because my current job can not be guaranteed to me upon my return, and I really don't want to go through the process of having to look for and apply for another job. especially since I will also begin classes in August (two days after I would be returning from SK). Another reason was the Visa process. I only had two and half weeks to obtain a temporary Visa, and for those of you who know what this process is like, the length of time it takes depends solely on the people from which you must go through to get all of the appropriate documents. With all that said, I've asked the school to keep me in mind for their Winter camp which also gives me plenty of time to obtain said Visa. There is still that part (a big part) of me that wants to go, be apart of that life that is Korean culture, eat the food, and most of all meet up with old friends. Yet there is that small, nagging part of me that continues to whisper reason whenever I begin to waver, that holds me back.

land of the morning calm calling

I was invited back to South Korea in July to help with an English Summer Camp for one month. To go or not to go, that is the question.

absolute fucking outrage

I rarely sign on to messengers these days. it was a means of communication when I was in college, but now I find messengers annoying, an invasion of the intimacy that once existed between people and even excuses for laziness at times. A) if you're important then you have my phone number, and B) if you can take 5 minutes to send me a message online, then you can also take 5 minutes and call me.

well today I'm checking my email and a small message box pops up in the lower right hand corner of my computer from one of the people on my buddy list. YAHOO has installed YAHOO CHAT into my email and it automatically signs on in. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!????!!!!! I sign in to yahoo instant messenger for a reason, but I also sign OFF for a reason.

I seriously didn't realize the anger this induced until I started trying to deactivate this horrible invasion of privacy. I was nearly shaking. Yes, I realize this was quite an irrational emotion in response to something so insignificant, but for some reason it really struck a nerve. Of course some of my anger and frustration was geared toward the person who sent me the message. This person has my phone number, yet never fails to send me instant messages when I sign on.

ok I'm getting up, and walking away from my computer now, lest I scream.