letters to my customers...

dear shoppers who abuse my card machine/pin pad,

I appreciate you choosing me as your cashier to serve you today. You can be reassured that your purchases will be handled carefully, and that I will take the time while scanning your items to make sure that you had a pleasant shopping experience and found everything that you needed. If you so choose to pay with any of the plastic options such as debit, credit, foodstamp (or EBT so that us tax-paying citizens can't openly scorn you), or shop card I have only one request. MY CARD MACHINE IS NOT A FUCKING PUNCHING BAG! If for some reason you see that you can not select a particular option or sign to authorize your credit card, there is no need to pound on the screen repeatedly with the pin or your fingers. There should be no mystery in the machine not working when you and customers like you, treat it as such. In the future, politely tell me that the machine is not allowing you to select the option you wish, and I can take care of the problem.

dear shopper who doesn't pay attention yet suffers from what I like to call bagging-OCD,

I promise you I'm not just another idiot working on auto-pilot, and that I actually pay attention, and take pride in being able to do my job not just efficiently, but effectively. I like for you to leave knowing that when you get home your eggs will not be crushed underneath 5 baking potatoes and that your bread will not be occupying the same bag with your Ragu spaghetti sauce like it was the last time you went grocery shopping. I care. In return, however, I have a small request (once again) to make of you. If you have a cart full of items, when putting them on to the check-out counter or conveyor belt, please do so in a fashion that indicates you too give a damn about how your groceries are bagged. i.e cold stuff together, crushables together, can foods together, etc. If you'd like your groceries bagged decently, then pay attention to how I receive them. I really want to bag your items properly because I myself am quite particular about my own groceries are bagged, but I can't do this when you've thrown your stuff on to the counter/belt all willy-fucking-nilly. Of course I don't expect you to put them up there exactly how they should be placed in the bag, because the proper bagging is my job. But like foods should be grouped together (ever wonder why they don't put Hunts tomatoes with Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs?). If I notice you repeatedly doing so (I remember my customers, especially those who irk the hell out of me), I will mention this problem to you politely, even so that you feel superior since I'm just a "little ole' cashier" However, if you continue to come through my line and this problem persists, don't be suprised when you get home and your bread is underneath the heaviest item you purchased. Thank you, and have a pleasant afternoon.

Dear insecure ladies who snarl at me when I ask you and your man how you are, and he is the only one who answers.

First off, I'm absolutely positively taken by the man I have at home. Such to the point coworkers often point out attractive men who were in my line and I will be clueless because I'm not looking. I notice features that are attractive at times, but hardly do I see a configuration that is comparable to what I have awaiting me at the end of the day. Second off, I am certainly not starving for attention and therefore by flirting with every tom, dick, and harry that passes by. So please don't give me the stink-eye when your man chooses to come through my line, but more than that don't make a point to veer your man to another line in which the cashier is a man or someone that you believe yourself superior to in attractiveness. Don't get me wrong I have my moments of self-doubt in which Ican be insecure, and I don't like it. However, this is high school level insecurity. grow up.