things I'm thankful for...

~having some really amazing people in my life and the inspiration they give me (even if they aren't aware of it)

~this mango brazil nut body scrub I recently found at Target. oh.my.guh.

~that Sarah Palin isn't our VP

~days off to for ridiculous holidays like this one to enjoy coffee and being off of my feet (of course I was singing a different tune about a month ago)

~new releases of books and the sales that come around the holidays

~jason brown for giving me the motivation and reason (a workshop b/t the two of us) to get back in gear with my writing. besides my story won't write itself

~Sex and the City re-runs every night on TBS through the week.

~a secure job, a roof over my head and food in my mouth because so many people are going without right now. especially right now.

~my mom's toleration of my sometimes meatless diet that I often inflict upon her at meals.

sunday that feels like monday

this morning I had to be at my first-soon-to-the-one-I-quit job at 6 am which means I had to get up at 4:30 because it's ridiculously cold at 515 am so I have to crank Jeep and let her run for a few minutes before taking off. However, as much as I hated getting up so early, I did enjoy getting to work two hours before the store opened and being able to work without interruptions in the quiet. I've realized during this time, when I can be alone with my thoughts, with a task that needs to be completed; is when I do my best work. Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with people and helping people even with the simplest request, but oh how I love my solitude.

I got off at 2:30, came home, turned around twice, cooked mom some dinner, and then left for my awesome of awesomes second job. hence the reason my sunday felt like monday. tomorrow is the grand opening so I'll be going in for a few ours at 11 to help get things off to their first start before I have to go in at aforementioned first job. I'm uber excited about the whole process in general, but even more so excited about the kind of public we are targeting with the products we are offering. This place isn't your average walk-in sandwich shop/cafe, rather it's a place that will offer those products that I like to associate with the more cultured and curious crowd. Those people who appreciate the finer tastes when it comes to their palettes. anyways more on that later and pictures.

So, Thanksgiving is coming up and this year it seems it'll be just mi madre and I, which suits me just fine. We are gonna have a bit of an unconventional dinner for Turky day. Instead of the bird and all its fixings, I'll be making homemade lasagna and mom is going to be in charge of making a coconut pie (or two ;0])

Another date of note, though not so noteable to anyone but me, is my one year anniversary of blogging. Turkey Day will be one year since I've been blogging, and while my posts have been quite sporadic I realized this year has been quite the roller coaster ride and my emotions have been nothing short of extreme from beginning to end. It's been nice to be able to go back and read my posts, and be able to track my progression if not progress (the two don't always coincide for me).

ok, it's feeding time for this little one (myself of course, do not misunderstand little one for any little ones).

your opinions are wanted

so I'm trying to let my hair grow out (kind of sort of I think), but more days than not I'm pretty sure I'm going to cut it all off again. anyways here is a recent picture (well two week ago recent) and it's actually a little longer than this picture shows. my hair grows so fast until it gets to this in-between stage, and then it just stops and growth from there on is an interminable wait. so, I'm going to start putting up pictures so you guys can tell me which looks better as it grows. oh another reason I pendulum-swing between cutting it is because patience is so NOT one of my virtues. I'll post a more recent one later this week.

unfinished business?

so yesterday's post was never really concluded, but I'm going to leave it like that. if truth be told it's a lot like most things in my life: rarely any conclusion anywhere. things are left open so I tend to go back and forth between the new and the old. now for the most part when something has come to a close or an end I do let it lie like that, but there are a few areas of my life that are left open. maybe they shouldn't be. maybe it's this lack of conclusion and closure in the more important areas of my life that are holding me back from going forward.

tbc because I kind of have to go to work and quit all this reflection for the moment.

things have been a little crazy and unpredictable

so somehow in the past couple of weeks I've gone from thinking I would go crazy from cabin fever, having loads of time on my hands, and no job to barely having a spare minute to sit down while I drink my coffee and two jobs. one of which I should go ahead and say I don't care too much about and will quit very soon. ok, to hell with the niceties, I hate it. while there are a few people that I've already grown quite fond of as well as a few members of management that I will feel bad about wasting the time of, but otherwise the whole lot of the place can kiss my very small arse. the main reasons for my early resignation stem from the fact that the work load is no where near being compesated by what I'm being paid, my first day on the job I overheard coworkers foul-mouthing other coworkers on three occasions, and I know that I can do better than this place. of course that leaves the "why did you accept the job in the first place?" question, but initially I thought this company may be a decent place to work and build on a few skills while continuing my search, but I couldn't have been more wrong. the name of the company is not important and I also believe that a lot of the shortcomings of this branch has to do with its location and the fact that it was the first in the area.

however, my second job is AWESOME to say the least. I just wish it would finally open so that we could share that awesome-ness with the rest of the world. The past week or so have been spent stocking, cleaning, learning the products and just overall preparation for its grand opening. the projected date is this coming Monday given there are no delays or cancellations. this job is giving me the oportunity to add high-end (although in a small town) event planning and a nice in-depth education of wine & wineries to my personal repertoire. I'm also getting an inside view of how a small business is run and all the highs and lows one can expect to encounter in such a situation.

I met someone on facebook about a year ago in a Charlotte network (oh, don't act like you've not asked some random person from a social network to be your friend before) and we continued to stay in touch while I was in South Korea. I don't know why it was him in particular because it could have been anyone, but it was. Of course it was a seemingly random connection, until I came home. Said facebook friend introduced me to the owners of the now coffee/sandwich shop and really it was love at first sight (with the owners and with the place itself). All this has had me thinking about how connections foster further connections and it becomes one big circle. People come in to our lives and things happen to take you further along your course. They also cause us to stray a bit in order for us to learn something. or realize that maybe the course we're on isn't the best one for us. Of course it's up to us to recognize these people and things rather than just chalking them up to coincidences or quirky randomness.

p.s. I'll have a more in-depth description of all the services and products and pictures of the places soon, but it's got that coffee/sandwich shop on the corner feel.

p.s.s I had an interview today for a job that will hopefully replace that job I like not so much. ;p

internet explorer saved my day

so I think maybe it's a Mozilla thing because I tried using Internet Explorer, and I can do all the email-related stuff, navigate between pages better, and not have to wait for-EV-er for my pages to load. Note to Mozilla: get it together!

I'm loving

this picture. like woah! especially the smile.
p.s. I stole this from a blog some time back, so I'm not really sure of the actual source.

oh and one more thing

when I try to compose a new email, I can't!


**I apologize to those of you who I've been neglecting (meaning those of you who our sole communication is via email). things have been a bit hectic, and I'll admit I dropped a few of the balls I was so good at juggling only three months ago (one of those being keeping in contact). I'm kind of back, so if I can just get my email situation figured out I promise you'll hear from me. loves.

***and apparently it's more than just my email, because it literally took about ten minutes to post this damn post.

friday mornings without email access

so this morning, per the usual, after fixing my first cup of coffee I sat down to check my email. however, for the past day and half now I've not been able to read any of my emails. wtf! I can open my inbox, see all my new/current messages, but trying to read them is a completely different story. it has to be me as in my computer because it's the same with gmail. does anyone have any idea what this means? is something wrong with my computer? do I have a virus or something? everything else works fine. going to and fro websites, blog commenting, doing other things on my computer not web related are of no issue. what gives? if anyone knows please drop me a line (in my comments) and tell me what is going on or could possibly be wrong. thanks

one more time...

so I imagine Palin has had enough, but you know if you're going to present yourself like an uninformed idiot, prepared to be ragged and treated like one.

i love this...

ما زنده به آنيم كه آرام نگيريم
موجيم كه آسودگي ما عدم ماست

We are alive because of not to stay,
We are waves, so our stagnation is our death!
- Saeb-e-Tabrizi

I'm still here...

I'm just not blogging...

this isn't for any other reason then that the motivation isn't really there. I know a few of you are tired of hearing me whine and moan about not having a job, but it's truly stressful. I've been home nearly three months and I just now got a part-time job. I begin orientation on Wednesday, and while it is a paycheck, it's retail (Target: one of my favorite places in the world to shop), and I would like to see myself going in the direction of full-time work. career-related (wtf is my career anyways) salary-paid work. there is the prospect of another part-time job soon, but it's a matter of waiting for the place to open. I won't divulge too much right now because it seems I always jinx myself when I open my mouth.

now I bet some of you are like "hey, you got a job, now you can quit stressing a little bit." but that's not how it works. I'm still stressed because because because well hell I don't know what comes after the because. maybe I have to always be worried about something because as a child I always worried about things. even things that were WAY out of my control. things that shouldn't have been of any concern to my 9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16-24 year old mind. but I do and as a result of that stress, my creativity has been suffering. very much so.

I will say though that things are really looking up and I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and as long as i'm putting forth the effort, the universe will do it's job and make things happen if I can just be patient. do you know how hard that is for me?


**oh and one more thing. I'm babysitting my nephew this Friday so I'll be posting pictures. he's growing like a weed, and looks like he's grown two sizes just since I seen him at Halloween!

amazing

I just found out that Obama did in fact win in NC!!!!


my heart is soaring...

we always could...

...is how I feel about the country. "yes, we can" and to be honest we always could

this country, and I'll even go as far as say the world, is vibrating with energy right now. an energy that is nearly palpable. it's amazing the number of people around the world who were rooting for this moment to come. I've already received four emails from my former students in South Korea who have said that their people are celebrating, and they are so happy that Barack Obama has won. I've had friends and bloggers from other countries email me about how proud they are to have been able to witness such a moment, how they wish they could have been part of the vote, and how (i'm quoting a fellow blogger) "Europe is on the edge of her seat" in waiting.

I mentioned in a previous blog about how exciting it was for me that this election would be my first to vote in. oh, how glad I am I did. I've not felt the least bit patriotic for some time now, and if truth be told when abroad and people talked about how they USED to want to go to America, or how "President Bush has made America a not-welcome place" I literally cringed. How had the country the the whole world had faith in, that I pledged allegiance to every day in grade school become the country that was a "not-welcome place?"


**oh and little on my state:

I want to say something about Hagan's win over Dole in North Carolina. Another reason I'm glad I voted. While I'm sure Dole will recover quite nicely from the new asshole she's going to be ripped by the lawsuit pinned against her but, I hope it takes her a while to recover from her embarrassment. It's so pathetic that religion is still such a strong determiner of so many things in this world. this country. even down to what restaurants are open on Sundays. it shouldn't matter if a person worships a hill of beans if they can do right by themselves, their family, town, city, district, county, state, or country. so what I want to know is where Elizabeth Dole got off with her ad and the godless american nonsense. while I shouldn't be surprised, the fact that someone is characterized as "godless" because they don't worship the same god as another, is incomprehensible. according to the news this is the first time there hasn't been a Dole in Congress in 50 years. apparently the change has come.

BOOYAH!!!

We Did It!

oh, America the beautiful...


**wishing I was in Times Square. right. now**

hope...

...has my vote

it's a possibility...

that I'm coming under the weather. I've been taking Vitamin C supplements quite seriously lately and trying to remember to take one each day, but I think between the seasons changing, my stress, and just the general germs because of people who come to see mom, it's inevitable. today my head feels explosive and huge, i've been sneezing all morning (all week actually), my throat is dry, and my contacts had to be removed immediately because my eyes are itchy, but watery. wait that sounds like allergies, doesn't it? but why did I wake up coughing this morning? my head even looks bigger this morning. wtf?

a little ramble, a little rant

so I'm re-posting this because I edited it because it started out as being about NY and then on to the atmosphere of the south. This blog has less to do with NY than it does my disgust with this area since coming home and its lack of a culture and life.

Most of you know I'm hoping to move out of here soon. Out of at least Belmont, if not NC in search of better and more opportunities. Those opportunities that I believe aren't offered here in Gaston County and perhaps Mecklenberg County. at least not right now. I'm not saying that this beautiful state doesn't have anything to offer, because it has plenty, but not for me. For me, especially this town, it's a hindrance, a reminder of all I want to rise above. I know that other parts of the state aren't as bad as others. say Raleigh versus Gastonia, but to be honest it's not so much the towns and cities as it is the South as a whole. Of course there are so many things I love about this State, but for now the cons outweigh the pros. As of late, I've realized the culture of the South isn't something I want to be associated with or a part of right now. maybe not ever again. I realize there will always be a prejudice asshole that as a friend of mine would say "needs a sharp uppercut" no matter where I go, but since coming home from living abroad I've encountered more people who are staunchly holding on to the prejudices and biases from their parents generations. Perhaps it's the election and the prospect of an African American president that has brought out the sad, pathetic and ugly in everyone, but personally I think it's always been there. The election just gave all these people a reason to unmask their perceptual biases, their hostilities, and unwillingness to even meet someone not-like-them halfway in understanding of something different. I'm aware that I'm trading one set of prejudices for another, and like I said earlier there will always be someone who can't get their head out of their ass long enough to even consider another's view, but I can handle that. I'm not however, prepared to handle settling into the life that's being lived by these people around here. Furthermore, prejudices aside, it seems that almost everyone here (and I'm sure it's not just this area) don't want anything more out of their lives than what they already have. This would be acceptable if these people were happy, but the lot of them seem miserable. Miserable because they are stuck. in a rut. machines running on automatic. And for those of us who aren't stuck and do want to further illuminate ourselves there's very little creative expression here as well as very few outlets for those of us who do exercise said expression.

I should have named this tolerant yet prejudiced.

no tricks all treat

we didn't celebrate Halloween this year. I've not really celebrated so to speak in quite some time other than a few parties here and there over the years which really had more to do with the party/people than the holiday itself. However, my brother and his fam stopped by which is always a nice surprise. they took my nephew out for a bit on his first Halloween and this is how he looked...

my sweet meat monster

my brother and monster

his "oh shizzah you're taking my picture" look

"oh yea, my diaper is coming off"

he knows he's only getting one lick and he's trying to hold it to his mouth