what I need...

lately I'm not sure what I need or even what I want, but one thing is for sure: I'm looking forward to some long-due Eppersonian-therapy. Perhaps then I will find my balance again...even if only for a moment.

the countdown has begun: 5 days!

"knock knock, is anyone home?"

call me crazy, but this morning I fell leaving my apartment, (some jackass spilt something and paired with the slick-as-cow-dung floors I was instantly reduced to one of those seals you see sliding over the ice on the National Geographic channel. Not cool at 6 a.m.) and it seems the fall may have knocked me back or at least closer to reality than I have been. early in the week I felt a strong sense of detachment and couldn't figure out why. today, I'm still not "all here" but I really believe the fall was someone's way of saying "wake up wake up, earth to jennifer." I will say there is a nasty scrape on my knee that no matter how "out there" I get, can and will not be ignored. usually peroxide is not my enemy, but this morning, cleaning my cut felt like someone was pouring hot wax all over my knee, except that the burning sensation did not go away. maybe the ground in korea is dirtier because of all the trash or my skin didn't recognize those alien germs penatrating my skin so the peroxide had to work twice as hard. i'm sure there will be a scar after the initial scrape has healed. it is always a surprise to look in the mirror and see a normal person or to look at my body and actually see skin that is not blemished. my life has been a series of scrapes, bumps, cuts (some small and some not so small) so although most do not realize, a large portion of my person is covered in scars. I'd rather think of them as battle scars than reminders of mishaps or my body's surrender to biological handicaps. anyhow maybe i'll post a picture of my latest mishap later or maybe not...

Rilke

Siehe ich lebe. Woraus? Weder Kindheit noch
Zukunft/werden weniger...
Uberzahliges Dasein/ entspringt/ mir im Herzen.

(look, I am living. on what? neither childhood nor future/
grows any smaller...
Superabundant being/ wells up in my heart.)

something is off

thus far this week has gone well (of course it's only tuesday), but for some reason I can't shake this feeling of both anticipation and detachment. is it possible to feel both at the same time. it's like i'm two halves, a joker, with one side being one of anticipation and optimism and almost-elation because a dear friend will visit soon. on the other side i'm detached from everything and even others around me. although this feeling does not bother me, because I've felt like this before, but how detached can a teacher be? i'm not saying I don't care because I do, but I this week I feel like I do when I continue to wear my sunglasses in the evening and the sun isn't really shining. I can see everything, yet everything is kind of hazy and to see clearly I sometimes have to lower my glasses. i can't shake this feeling. i look at my coworkers and I literally look right through as if they aren't there and thus the same goes for my students. some good has come out of this detachment because I've been able to write a lot more lately than I have been in the past month. ironically I believe this feeling of detachment comes from the fact that so many things are becoming very clear to me; personally and professionally. so for the moment it's as if I've retreated into my shell to organize my thoughts into my mind's own dewey decimal system.

just monday

this weekend I dyed my hair because I needed some change (why I don't know). anyways the objective and the result were actually very different from each other. however, now I think perhaps the result was better than the initial objective...you decide

Aesop & Obama

years and years ago a Greek slave and author said "united we stand, divided we fall." this quote holds truer than any other especially when it comes to the current state of the United States of America. our country is more divided than ever before and thus falling apart bit by bit, person by person.

And there is Barack Obama.

I won't tell you how I was deeply moved by both of his novels, how powerful and eloquent his speeches, or how I had chills (the good kind) when he said "There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and a white America and latino America and asian America - there's the United States of America." Obama titled his second book The Audacity of Hope and rightly so because because with his dreams of a united States of America he is infusing others with the hope that a country that is as great as his, mine, yours, OURS can come together again and defeat any enemy, foreign or domestic. it's not his promises to make amendments to the Constitution, or where he stands on health care and other polices that's gonna secure my vote for him. To be honest, I don't even feel comfortable holding conversations about politics because I don't know as much as I should or would like to know when it comes to this subject. as a result this sometimes makes it hard for me to articulate my opinions. of course I'm also a person who votes more from an emotional point of view versus republican or democrat especially since the older I get the more I find myself endorsing conservative-like ideas. the very basic "united we stand" concept is my motivation for standing behind presidential candidate Barack Obama. he wants to make the States of America the United States of America once again, and I can't find fault with that.

besides I don't see anyone else brave enough to step up to the plate, force down barriers and narrow-mindedness, wear themselves out, to bring a desperate people together.

what the hell is the problem?

after watching footage from the latest shooting, I wondered to myself how a person reconciles victimizing others because he is unhappy and desperate. I hate to say this, but what a selfish bastard a person must be. seriously, if you are really that miserable, take those same guns you so systematically buy to destroy other's lives, go into a field and get it over with. no I'm not advocating suicide, but no one has a right to take someone else's life, especially one that you didn't give life to. however, i will say no more because this is a social problem beyond any one human being's reach, and only frustrates me more when discussed.

I instant messaged a person with my shock after opening my internet browser to find the Illinois shooting on the top news of Yahoo, and his reply was "it was about time for another one." this unfortunately is sad, but true. school shootings have become the norm; leaving thousands devastated and questioning the safety of what is supposed to be the most important stepping stone to a better life: an education. we all ask ourselves why and maybe even some will point fingers at parents, social workers, the owner of the gun shop and so forth. there can be no pointing fingers because who or what would we blame? instead, there must be a collaborative effort taken to stop this shit and stop it now .anyways, after looking over the footage I visited the Virginia Tech website because they had a beautiful dedication ceremony and convocation a few days after the shooting rampage.

Nikki Giovanni (an amazing poet and a personal favorite) is a distinguished professor at VT, and was noted for protecting a classroom of students from the shooter on April 16th. anyhow she spoke at the convocation, and although the speech is of course meant for the victims (both dead and alive) of VT, it is one that others could take as their own inspiration (sans the hokies/VT insert). the speech is moving, and Nikki Giovanni has a personal strength that pervades all of her work, and this one is no exception. she speaks of taking one's grief and strife and turning it into strength, which is of course easier said than done, but Giovanni makes it seem ever so possible. here's that speech:

We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands, being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open hearts and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.

http://www.vtmagazine.vt.edu/memorial07/convocation.html

george jones is my homeboy

"it's finally friday I'm free again, got my motor runnin' for a wild weekend..."

I've been humming this tune if not singing the song all morning. today is friday, and although the week went well (and surprisingly fast) I'm welcoming friday with open arms. however, today is also payday. can we say ching ching!

off to play teacher...more later!

V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day

While all of you back home are in a deep slumber I'm receiving loads of chocolate, candy, and even fresh strawberries. However, there is a slight difference in the Korean Valentine's Day from what we know as Valentine's Day in the United States. On February 14th in Korea, women are expected to be the sole givers of small (or large) tokens of affection. Men can sit back and either lavish in their own love's display of affection or look on as their fellow males take advantage of this day of romance. However, even those men who are without companions usually receive candy or chocolate because women are also expected to provide for their coworkers. One of my students lamented that she was buying thirty people (30 people! in case you thought I meant to type three) in her office chocolate. I don't know about the local Harris Teeter at home these days, but chocolate is not cheap, especially on a day that is as commercialized as Valentine's Day.

But, as the old adage goes "what goes around, comes around." On March 14th a.k.a. "White Day" in Korea (and maybe Japan) the men are expected to be the givers versus the receivers. I taught all of my women a phrase that they really loved "give a little, get a lot." It goes without saying that these women will bestow their love and affection on their male counterparts in hopes of a return. sounds a little like taxes except one usually gives waaaay more than they receive. Apparently on the 14th of every month Korea celebrates some kind of holiday whether it be of significance or not depends on the person. April 15th is Black Day (or Singles Day from what I gather). All of those men and women who spent Valentine's Day & White Day in a f* you-because-you-got-chocolate-and-have-a-gf/bf-mood and felt that these holidays were only obnoxious reminders of one's bachelorhood can go forth on Black Day and celebrate. This is their day to shine. According to Koreans the men and women who were left out on the two aforementioned holidays are expected to come together in hopes of eliminating bachelorhood over a bowl of 자장면 (pronounced jah- jang-myeon), a black bean sauce over noodles (from Chinese). So fret not ladies because the men's days are numbered...

fire in the new year

sunday evening everyone in Korea was gearing up to get back to regular routines on monday, after five days of vacation to celebrate Seollal or the Chinese New Year. however, sunday night put a damper on any of the lingering happiness from Seollal celebrations and family gatherings when 600 year old Namdaemun the number 1. national treasure was set fire. Although they have witnesses who may have seen the person responsible for the arsonist act; no one specific has been identified.

Koreans are devastated because Namdaemun was one of the few large lasting structures of the dynasty period that wasn't destroyed during Japanese occupation or the Korean War.

I can't imagine why someone would want to set fire to a structure that while it is of great historical importance, is really no concern to the every day public. To do such a thing for shits and giggles seems absurd, but why would one plan to do this either? Do you wake up one morning and decide "I want to burn a historical monument?" or "I want to devastate others because i'm fucked up?" I too am upset at this tragedy because even though Namdaemun means nothing to me, it means something to the people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis, and the fact that it just doesn't make sense.

before

after

reason & passion

recently I've become very interested in the works of Kahlil Gibran; a Lebanese-American artist. perhaps I'm the only one who is in the dark about his talent, and all the rest of you are like "oh yea my man Kahlil!" sometimes it does work out like this for me and I end up feeling like a complete idiot. anyways I'm very interested in his works, especially The Prophet. when I first read the prophet I was moved by the simplicity and ease which he seemed to handle concepts that some people spend their whole lives questioning and trying to figure out. here is and excerpt on reason and passion from The Prophet.

Reason and Passion

And the priestess spoke again and said: "Speak to us of Reason and Passion."

And he answered saying:

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.

But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.

Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.

Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."

And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."

And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.

como siempre

today is monday, nothing too special. I'm in a great mood but I'm scared to elaborate because every time I say I'm in a great mood out loud something happens to spoil it. so let's pretend I didn't just say I was in a great mood. today I begin a new one-on-one class with a CEO who asked for a pretty teacher. not the best, not the most experienced, not the most qualified, but the prettiest. hahahahahaha and somehow I'm the chosen one. which is even funnier. I've begun an official countdown for the next three weeks till my giant arrives in Gumi on February 29th. Three weeks and four days!

ok I'm off to eat lunch; maybe more to post later

the sun never sets on a bad-ass...even in Korea

Ringing in the Chinese New Year at WA Bar with friends and a few extras...

random Korean guys showin' some love

your's truly in her new shades

Narcisz borrows shades for added hotness

jason givn' it to the camera

migukn'

Mr. President

Bill Moyer asks:

"What one book do you want your next president to read?"

milk carton ad?

Koreans LOVE to take pictures of people, especially foreigners. My students were bored and snapped this picture while my head was turned. I look like a lost child, not a 23 year old ESL instructor. UGH!

laziness, plain and simple

it's friday of my five (really three) day vacation, and I've yet to really do anything. at least anything productive. if I was asked to make a list of the things I done so far for my Chinese New Year vacation it would read something like this:

tuesday night: WA Bar with my coworker
wednesday: slept in, dinner with my coworkers and our boss (not the director I've spoken of in previously)
thursday: slept in, walked around Gumi for two hours with Jason, dinner with coworkers and the WA Bar to ring in the new year, contemplated visiting Seoul & Suwon.
friday: slept in, talked to two friends from back home, shopping, Charlie Wilson's War in the theater with a student, beers and good music with a coworker

is it possible?

yes indeed, and if truth be told it has been a glorious three days of sleeping in with no pending engagements, no walking across the bridge to teach in 20 degree weather at 6 am, no "jenipah," etc...

and if you ask me why the only decent answer I can think of is I'm saving all of my money/energy for when my best girl visits me at the end of this month. ;~)

a toast to Marley

Happy Birthday Bob Marley!!!!

basketball & the art of dipping

Sunday was really great. I meant to post a blog about it earlier, but I was distracted. This past Sunday I went went with two of my students to a basketball game. These are two of my favorite students a. because they are just really great guys and b. they are two of my best students. anyways we took a train to Daegu to see the Dongyan (sp) Orions play against the Samsung Thunders, both of which are good teams with good players. I was pulling for the Orions although neither of these teams are really favorite since I've only been keeping up with Korean basketball for a short time. The Orions lost to the awesome defense of the Thunders. :~(

it all goes back to Africa

I've realized that almost everything I like goes back to things that come from or are of the African culture. So I wasn't surprised when the white wine I bought that was made in South Africa turned out to be really AWESOME. The flavor is different because it's a mixture of green apples and guava along with the grapes. I also found that opening the wine and letting it sit in the fridge overnight does amazing things to the taste. The next day the taste is softer and a little sweeter as if uncorking it has released a pressure and all the flavors can breath as they swirl around each other. Another great thing about this wine is that it gave a short history of the Obikwa people from South Africa and the importance of the ostrich/ostrich egg to their culture. I wish there was a way that I could package this baby up and send it home. If I'm lucky I'll be able to get it somewhere in the states, and I can spread the love... ;~)

Larry King & Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg is on Larry King Live which is probably one of the most interesting interviews I've ever watched.

from the interview:

"I'm not down with the Republican or the Democratic Party; I'm down with the Gangsta Party"

only he could say this on Larry King Live and it actually be acceptable and accepted...